I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
