just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
