My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize