somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
