I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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