Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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