If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
