Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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