why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
