So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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