South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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