So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
