More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
