Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
