everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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