I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
