yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize