Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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