I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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