I cannot find my penis.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
