Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We were destined to go to rehab together
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
