HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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