We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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