I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
