Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
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