sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize