good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
