I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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