You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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