Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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