The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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