i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Randomize
