He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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