I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
