She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
