I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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