yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
