kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just forgot I was standing up.
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