He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
