my vag is so smooth its legendary
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize