my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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