Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
