Porn is love you can see.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
