kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
