u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
