Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
