Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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