i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
