We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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