omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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