i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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