Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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