hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
