margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
