it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
