New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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