Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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