awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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