im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize