WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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