I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
