i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize