Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need a burrito and a hug.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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