why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
