we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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