For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
