I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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