you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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