I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
