I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
