Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
