I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
