My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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