I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
