well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
