oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
