is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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