that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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