Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize