She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
