i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We left the knife in your bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
