Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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