girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
