my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize