Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
