Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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