Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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