Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
