and she was petting her beer can
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
