We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize