haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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